[Professionals Consulted] Nepal: 3 bad parenting practices

Background

Recently, Parenting has been taught in various places and I am not fully agreed into it. I support good parenting and child development. But I believe bad parenting or any other issues raised nowadays is caused due to lack of thinking. I believe people have given up upon thinking. The practice of thinking, evaluating seemed to be quite decreasing to me as people nowadays are provided with over-information and a complete script of living. I believe that the beauty of action without any intention or enjoying simple things in life is lost or even accepting one’s own individuality has been hard nowadays. And people are taking more mechanical steps towards things that are to be done with hearts. I believe you don't need any lessons or anything to learn if you have a heart of love and intend to provide a child with care and spaces that he/she needs.

As the pages torn in the movie “Dead Poets Society” I believe we don’t need any scientific approach or mathematical approach on the activities of art (like parenting). I want people to experience life and if they have done so you don’t need any course to learn or any formula to be a good parent. As well said by J. Krishnamurti “Truth is a pathless Land”.

And even this article seems to be hypocritical in some sense as I myself have listed practices and have provided with things that are most probably being taught in all of those courses. In which I would like the readers of this article to realize this article isn’t a complete image (collection of facts and stances is all this article is). This article comprises issues and their most probable causes and I want you to take value from it but I also want readers most importantly to gain a sense of self-doubt if they felt guilty along with interest to experience life and its dimensions with their hearts (which will eventually promote better parenting).

Introduction

Shortcuts

• Background
• Introduction
• Problems
• Violence
• Comparison
• Restrictions
• Conclusion
• Professional Contributor
• Ms.Apecksha Gurung (Psychologist)

Problems

Violence

Violence is a big NO for parenting practices and yet it is really common in the name of teaching children. Violence is any form and by anyone is fatal for a child's development. Violence may be seen as an instant solution but it has a long lasting impact on the growth of children and also leads to mental,social,emotional issues in children. Violence destroys creativity, interest and joys in children. Reports indicate high rates of corporal punishment in Nepal, which is a form of physical violence. And as the author of this article I too can state, it is too common from my first hand experience. Verbal abuse, scolding and humiliating children is commonly found in Nepali Parents.

Causes:-

• Lack of self-control in Parents
• Lack of tolerance in Parents
• Sense of loss in low grades or accomplishments by children
• Anger Management problems in Parents
• Sense of competition among children of peers, family in Parents

Effects:-

Some of the general effects of violence are:-
• Emotional breakdown in children,
• Loss of creativity in children,
• Loss of confidence in children,
• Behavioral issues in children,
• Increase in chances of self-harm in children,
• Physical harm due to violence by parents,

Solutions:-

• Self-Control should be practiced by parents
• Establishing flexible boundaries with children
• Creating space for open conversations with children
• Understanding of child’s psychology and intends

Comparison

Comparison is a common behavioral trait among parents in Nepal. Not only among kids but the trait of comparison is the cause of sorrow in the world. Nepali parents made the comparison worse by comparing their kids within their friends. This generates a sense of jealousy and anger in the children’s heart towards friends and never lets them experience the beauty of friendship and friends. Comparison also generates the attitude of leading life by looking at others decisions whereas in life children should learn to look within themselves and find their interests in life. Comparison should be eradicated and using comparison to inspire children only make them feel inferior and to copy the one that already exists. I believe every child is unique and nobody deserves to be compared with anyone.

Causes:-

• Continuing generational parenting
• Lack of confidence in child
• Lack of awareness among parents

Solutions:-

• Develop habit of encouraging child to be independent,
• Look for child’s interest and dreams,
• Anger Management ,
• Give child chance to makes decisions by providing support rather than authority,

Restrictions

Restrictions are another common trait that can be found among parents and although they are said to be made for the betterment of the child they still are harming the child's growth. Parents' habit of limiting their children’s decisions or interests where mostly they wanted child to take the same steps said by them. In Nepal there has been an attitude of parents restricting girls' interest or choices. Whereas girls aren't provided with the same space as boys in various families.

Causes:-

• Continuing traditional parenting
• Overprotective behaviors
• Cultural norms
• Controlling behavior in parents

Solutions:-

• Promoting open communication with child,
• Spending quality time with child,
• Establishing flexible boundaries

Conclusion

Parenting is an important aspect for child’s development in which parenting styles in Nepal are ineffective and have been harming children. Harmful Parenting has resulted in children becoming dependent, lacking self-assurance, and having inadequate problem-solving abilities. It has led to trouble in school and has led to emotional and social problems, and a higher chance of mental health issues in children.

I would like to share stances of Ms. Gurung on parenting.

Reference

Ms. Apecksha Gurung
Psychologist
apeckshagrg@gmail.com
Namaste! My name is Apecksha Gurung. I am a psychologist. I have been working in the field of mental health as a child counselor cum psychologist and mental health trainer for 5 years.