Love vs. Caste: The Unending Battle for Marriages :Toranvichara

Introduction

"To love is to find your own soul through the soul of the beloved." - Kahlil Gibran

This profound statement immediately grounds us in the core of what human connection should be. Yet, in a world that celebrates love and individual freedom, an ancient, insidious force continues to dictate the most personal of choices: who we marry. The silent battle against caste-based discrimination in marriages remains one of the most tragically underrated and untalked problems in our society.

Life is valuable and no one has the authority to change another person's choice unwillingly. It’s not only immoral but is also a crime. Marriage is a pure choice based on love. Its decision lies in the sacred relationship between a person with their inner self.

But a common element has been ruining/affecting the stories of many couples and that is absolutely worthless and irrelevant. It is the ideology of false pride and discrimination among castes that ultimately, socially bans inter-caste marriage and sets an example on how personal freedom and basic human rights can be exploited by society.

So, let's peel off every layer about the ideological clash between marrying someone accounting only love and ignoring caste:

Why Marriage?

We also don’t want to ignore the fact that marriage is nonsensical too.
Marriage doesn't make sense if you look at it rationally because you don’t need to commit or arrange an event to tell yourself that you will be with the person you love. It either shows that you don’t trust yourself or that person. But when you try looking at it keeping the entity called society and its rules you can get the sense of why it exists. As marriage in many countries gives you the societal freedom of reproducing ,sharing a common home and living together. And that’s what you want to do with the person you love with all its meaning.

Why?: History about authority of caste

Caste system was once simply the division of work as the ancient society lacked the flow of knowledge except within the family. Where it is in itself an outdated concept even in its actual original meaning. It later has been connected to superiority and inferiority of professions, untouchability, atrocities, having children acquire the same profession as their parents and even marrying into their own “caste”.

Although a lot of these deformities have been abolished and laws have been made, there still remains a huge part of it rooted in people's mind and these ideologies are being passed down from generation to generation.

Human beings come with love and care, we later degrade ourselves with various traits like harmful mocking, comparison, discrimination and as jobs have different paychecks many people of same caste use to suffer from poverty and lack of awareness which gives other people a chance to disrespect others culture and harm them.

The habit of avoiding intercaste marriage is no doubt a shade of discrimination. Yes, it’s true that different castes call for different cultures but it never calls for discrimination. Mutual Respect and understanding other’s values is the trait of a wise person. Even twins aren’t identical. Traits of the same person can vary with time and condition and difference is necessary.

Illustration of different culture benefiting from each other

Differences in culture have made this world a much better and beautiful place. There are beautiful temples to futuristic man made quantum computers. There is classical art and contemporary arts. There is even a difference in food and taste prioritized by different cultures. Sharing culture makes other people know and realize many values. It opens the door for innovation and helps in understanding/enjoying the absurdity of life. It provides valuable stories and reinforces peace among people.

Problems: Cost of individual Choice

Actually, there is no real problem in marrying someone on the basis of love and disregarding their caste because that’s what it should be. You are supposed to marry the one you love. Where the only thing to check is compatibility between you and your partner.

Image of parents not accepting for marriage

Family is the primary intruding aspect that usually comes where, they emotionally torture/blackmail to change one’s opinions and influence decisions or even indirectly forces them for neglecting their choices. Which makes inter-caste marriage among couples seem impossible and makes caste seem like a big deal. But it’s NOT. This world is functioning in a collaborative effort.

We believe even relatives won’t be a problem if a person has supportive parents. But as parents dictate career choices they also torture their children to avoid intercaste-marriages which is a blunder mistake. The blackmails and threats from parents will hurt and shatter the heart of every child. Due to which it arises as a problem where in many cases even violence is conducted which is justifiable on no grounds. And in many places people still consider it wrong and tease or try to harm the couples due to it.

There is even a pseudo-scientific argument that reflects a deeper societal anxiety about 'purity' and 'mixing bloodlines,' which is a social construct rather than a biological reality. It weaponizes genetics to uphold discriminatory social hierarchies, suggesting that a 'pure' lineage is somehow healthier or superior.

Culturally diverse people and their kids together

Biologically, inter-caste marriage generally contributes to a healthier and more robust population by promoting genetic diversity. When individuals from different groups marry, it diversifies the gene pool, significantly reducing the likelihood of inheriting recessive genetic disorders. Such conditions are more common in populations with limited genetic variety due to historical practices like consanguinity (marriage between close relatives), which increases the chances of harmful recessive genes being paired. By mixing diverse genetic backgrounds, inter-caste marriages introduce new genetic combinations, thereby strengthening the overall health and resilience of future generations.

The word “CASTE” is in itself irrelevant for stopping anyone from getting married. “Surname” is a better and a neutral word for “caste” as "Caste" itself carries significant negative addition of meaning due to its association with a rigid, hereditary social hierarchy that has historically led to severe discrimination, oppression, and dehumanization of certain groups. Even after all of this, so many potentially loving souls that would have made this world a much better place have to suffer just due to caste.

With the rise of education and exposure, many young people understand that where someone comes from or what their family history is, doesn’t define them. However, even if they understand it, they are still not able to escape from its consequences. In the context of love marriage, some parents who still have deep rooted perspectives on inter-caste marriage, force their children to follow this baseless tradition which scar them for life.

Marriage may be a “social institution” as Stephen L. Nock said but society does not have the right to force and hurt people. We have heard stories of many people about how the entire trajectory of their life changed just because they couldn’t marry the person they loved. If you are a parent just because you gave birth and raised someone does not mean that you have the right to rule and make every decision in their life as you want, especially after they are completely grown and mature enough to make their own decisions wisely.

Many parents do not seem to understand this. We understand the invisible pressure of society and traditional norms burdening parents but that does not mean that they can pass down the generational trauma and wound their child with the same scars that they could not heal. It is insane how they would be willing to go through this knowing that their child is suffering due to their actions.

Valuable Opinions

I strongly agree that no one, especially not family or society, should have the right to say on such a personal decision. The comparison between caste and “surname” felt particularly relevant, and I believe this shift in mindset is crucial. Love is rare and beautiful, and it’s heartbreaking to see that so many are denied because of old, baseless prejudices.

Smrita Saru

Student

I truly believe this article embarks insightful reality upon how differences in the caste system have dragged us "humans" behind and also it takes the courage to rise above deeply rooted societal divisions. I perceive love blossoms in freedom, not in fear of social boundaries. Compassion and understanding make a marriage - not caste. Perhaps, intercaste marriage is not an act of rebellion; in fact, it is a quiet revolution of harmony. The day we rise above these orthodox ideologies, we make humanity rise above hierarchy.

Diwash Raj Bhattarai

Actor/Film Maker

As a counseling psychologist, I witness the pain many individuals carry simply because they found love beyond the boundaries of caste. In Nepal, intercaste marriage is still seen by many as a transgression, not a union.
I have worked with clients and sat down with friends who are torn between their love and their families. They often feel the weight of shame, fear, and abandonment not because they’ve done something wrong, but because society refuses to see their love as valid.
The emotional toll is deep: anxiety, guilt, impoverished identity, and the heartbreak of being made to choose between belonging and truth.
I believe no one should be punished for love. As societies and communities, we need to create spaces where love is not judged by caste, but honored for its sincerity, and where the pain of those who’ve been rejected for loving freely is deeply heard, held, and healed.

Punjita Pradhan

Counsellor Psychologist

Inter-caste marriage is a powerful way to end caste discrimination in Nepal. Nepal, being a land of diverse and beautiful cultures, teaches us the value of “unity in diversity” from a young age. However, as I grew older, I began to notice the indirect forms of discrimination that still exist in our society. To truly treat everyone equally, we must first learn to see each other as human beings above all else. Inter-caste marriages can play a key role in fostering this mindset. They allow us to experience and appreciate cultures different from our own, which leads to greater cultural tolerance and mutual respect. As a society, this understanding helps us grow and make development plans that are inclusive and respectful of all communities. When everyone’s values and opinions are acknowledged, there is less resistance and more cooperation, leading to smoother progress.

Smarika Pathak

Student

I strongly oppose the practice of considering caste in marriage decisions as I view marriage as a bond built on emotional and intellectual connection, rather than caste considerations.It’s disheartening that even today, long-term relationships are broken because of the fear that society won’t accept inter-caste marriage such a mindset is truly regressive.I strongly believe that we, the younger generation, have the power to change this mindset if we choose to reject caste-based discrimination disguised as tradition and custom.

Yashoda Chand

Student

@aloverwhoneverwas the caste system #love #poetry #poems #writing #original #viral #fyp #spokenpoetry ♬ Jacob and the Stone (Slowed) - Emile Mosseri & sped up + slowed

Future: Hope & Change

So, the most direct suggestion is:- It’s your life and it’s about you. Never let anything in the world try to separate your loved ones in your life. A person that understands and sees you as “you” but still chooses to commit and loves you is extremely rare. Never let it slip out of your hands.

I know this may seem like generic advice so the practical advice is about being a fighter. Fight for what you love and remember that fighting isn’t only about hurting others, it's also about letting people know that you are the rightful person for deciding your life choices. Be a good, loving, independent person and live with the person who you want to. LOVE isn’t weak and it’s the time in your story to prove it!!