Dear World, It's me from Nepal

Never thought history would be experienced like this. I am Toran from Kathmandu. This blog has saved my life a lot of times, but I never thought I would get through these times. A lot has happened. My eyes have seen what a crowd can do, and how much humans can bend. My observation, in its shortest emotional form, goes as:
A mix of pride and fun - Shock and grief - Pseudo Peace - Stunned - Anger and Fear.

1. A mix of pride and fun: A Gen Z protest, that’s what it started as. I had a few of my friends who had invited me too, but I didn't take it seriously. I was proud that our generation could stand up. Normal day-to-day life continued, along with fun talks about how Gen Zs would be protesting, and seeing people my age on platforms sharing guidelines. Now the idea of what if the protest had gone as it was expected? runs over my head. Maybe a new sunrise could have been experienced by students (now dead) in high school, or maybe they could have tasted their mom's food again.
2. Shock and Grief (September 8):The next day, it started. As far as I'm aware, it was peaceful. Until the foreign parties misused the strike and it became a crowd. A crowd that rushed, that shouted. News of police using tear gas, sudden death of a protestor. But at the end of the day, I could hear all the sounds of the ambulance in my nearby hospital. My mom was talking to neighbors, cursing politicians and armed forces, asking why the hell they shot kids. And the news of over 100 seriously injured, and end of the day with a number over 10 protestors shot with real goddamn bullets, where police stated they used rubber ones. But evidence shows otherwise. Students in uniform getting shot down. The day ended with thousands of videos all over the media of common people crying and shouting. TikTok had taken down over 100,000 videos in the last 24 hours. Yesterday night, all the pictures were circulated, images that showed how bad things went, how badly people were treated, and how big of an ego the government holds. I couldn’t even put on a Instagram story for grief. Yesterday hit my heart so badly, people my age dying, being a martyr, just paused me. And all I could do was to remain silent.
3. Pseudo Peace (September 8’s night and 9’s morning): The evening was all with ambulance sirens and media circulating all the deaths that occurred. People crying and shouting on social media. This morning the first thing I saw was how the numbers of deaths almost multiplied. Social media ban was removed and a curfew had been installed. And the home minister had resigned. Along with political news, police were deployed. It seemed like it was going to be a quiet day for me, although I ACKNOWLEDGE it’s not supposed to be one. Just until the rallies started, and the Nepalese proved their anger.
4. Stunned (September 9’s day): This whole day is just speechless for me. Every corner of the nation was standing up. Especially in the valley, each and every part of the valley with a group, a group with anger, rage. My mind flashed with images of yesterday’s dead. It ended up with people chasing politicians to actually kill them.But a lot of them got a chance to fly away. Houses of politicians were on fire. The leader of the biggest individual party in parliament was beaten along with his wife (she was corrupt too). The ex-prime minister’s wife was burned. And all the police that shot those students were searched and killed, brutally attacked. Also, the day made the prime minister resign. The government went down. And we won until it felt like "at what cost?" to me.
5. Anger and fear (September 9’s evening and now): Anger and fear, one after another. Anger is what I feel when I see the supreme court burned down, criminals getting out of jails, parliament getting burned, or when I hear it’s no longer a Gen Z’s movement but opportunitists have taken over. How the police stepped down, and a country turned into a “country” with No Government and No Police. And fear is what I feel now. What if someone throws a stone at my house, or what if someone comes and kills me? It won’t be big news. I will never get justice. I can still hear people shouting outside. Assumptions of it being a plan are now out. How Prachanda is behind it all and how the protest was staged to hurt people. All I feel is fear about tomorrow. Will those lives be valued? Will it create a future I can see myself in? Or will it be like all the other protests in the past that killed thousands but still led to this?

Where I stand is in hope. Hope of courage, hope in how I believe my country's soldiers. Hope in how I see a better country leader. Hope in how I can see people coming together, rebuilding and cleaning these messes. And hope of how I will always remember my country, wherever or whatever I am. I have hope in me, on how I will be more than proudly and happily sing its national songs in whichever land I stand and how I can still remember all the smiles of these beautiful people I saw all around these 18 years that I have lived in my motherland Nepal.