When I was studying in grade 10 (or 9), there was an old sir that used to teach us. He was in his eighties, most probably, as I have a vague memory of back then. He was teaching us the biology section from the science book, which, due to the power of going off track, brought up the topic reflecting on education and life.
I remember him telling us how research shows a newborn child that, through his own realization, leaves to breastfeed, is shown to be much more emotionally healthier and less violent. Where he later shares his own voice on the education system (we could all see how personal his words were to him, and how a thinker shares something they are so passionate about). He mentions how this western education system is good for the mind but not heart. How it makes something so spiritual and personal as learning and life fit into boxes. How a child’s/student’s heart is the least of their concern and telling us how life is all about heart. I was and am still moved by that incident; I don’t remember his words but I remember his eyes and the aftermath it left in my heart.
A lot has changed in my life since then. I have grown into someone powerful, someone that holds the fire in his spirit. His words are validated with the facts I have learned on how the education “system” was a part of a bigger plan for making slaves and workers. And I have realized how successful people are so much easier to find than good people with kind hearts.
Nowadays my life is filled with a vague existence. I am dwelling between a lot of things that I keep on balance mostly, and that’s what brings me happiness in life. Practically, travel has become a big element in my everyday life. I haven’t left any of my classes till now (I will be leaving one tomorrow to attend a program). I have been surrounded with wonderful teachers and ideas. The most impressive one to me is my social science class, where the talks regarding society, capitalism, communism, the working class, and various other topics gives me an unexplainable joy/lightness (maybe that’s the ego of seeing the society from above).
Something that is equally impressive and thrilling as my social science class is my bus journey from Sinamagal to Satdobato, not because of the beautiful scenario or anything, but having that moment of tension for getting the 5 rupee back out of 20, which is an exclusive discount for students. That one element repeats every day. Every bus conductor ALWAYS tries their best to keep that 5 rupee with themselves. And every time I get that dear 5 rupee from him, either by repeating about the student ID I have 3 times, looking at his face continuously, or sometimes asking him out loud for it. Incidents like these give me such a fun ego boost and is worth so much more than the 5 rupee note I hold that will hardly get me anything other than a cigarette previously (that I don’t smoke) and chocolates (well, I am in a situationship with sugar).
And let me state that again: these incidents are equally fun as my social science class (it is the most interactive & fun class I have taken till now in my university). Today when walking down the road after getting that 5 rupee (yaya!!) that I was holding in my hand, I still feel lost and sad sometimes, and it was one of those times. As I was crossing the KMC hospital I saw the same beggar I mostly see there, but today he was conscious and looking at people as they were crossing him. After I crossed him and walked further, I remembered his face looking at me and I snapped. I found myself putting that 5 rupee in his box without even caring if he even noticed (which he later joined his hand towards me). I walked further and when I realized what I just did, I felt GOD. I felt my heart. I remembered what my teacher told in class more than 3 years back, and my brain went back to the question I shared with my classmates to think in social science class while presenting ‘Democratic Socialism,’ which was, “Is Utopia Achievable?”
And teaching from social science sparked. I went back to kindness and how BP Koirala shocked the world, saying he would try to bring The King, Political Parties and People together as our country needs everyone to rise (when he had 8 crimes in his name that he didn’t committed, from which if even one was proved he would be given capital punishment by monarch). And I thought my society needs me as a student to contribute in my own imperfect ways. I thought about how this world where the rich are getting richer and poor are getting poorer is due to the lack of capital flows between these classes. And how even having the children of both classes in a school helps in a balanced economy. And most of all, I got my answer on how fucking yes!! utopia can exist. And how that 5 rupees that the state provides me, regardless if I am from a rich or poor household, is their step towards kindness and better society, and how that 5 rupee I hold, knowing how it isn’t needed for me as much as the ones that fill their stomachs with it. I know what a student’s way for a better society can be.
That train of thoughts got me emotional on my way (that's why I am typing this as soon as I reach home). I couldn’t stop thinking about how I don’t wanna spend my youth chasing money for ego, but rather take a few breaths from my stomach (diaphragmatic breaths) and just make me & my world a little slower in head and a little warmer from heart.
